SCENE ONE:The setting is a jungle- like island with lots of trees and sand. Aiden enters wearing traveling clothes. He is followed by Curt, Henry, Lila, and Rose. Aiden is a leader, Curt is a nerdy chubby guy, Henry is the rich, snobby one, Liladoesn't have a lot of brains, and Rose is sensible and humble, and isn't a big fan of Lila's. They are all seniors in high school, on spring break.
(Aiden and Henry enter.)
Aiden: C'mon, we can't give up now.
Henry: Dude , I am tired, and we haven't had a suitable meal since two days ago. I thought when you found that treasure map in your attic, we might actually find some treasure! I stole my Father's boat, for Pete's sake!
Aiden: It's not stealing if we're going to give it back. Besides, he's vacationing in the Hamptons! He doesn't even know the boat is gone. We can leave just as soon as we find that treasure. I know it's here somewhere!
(Curt, Rose and Lila enter.)
Curt: You know,I would've thought we would've met some native people here. The land seems fertile enough to grow food, and if it's fertile, that means there is a source of fresh water somewhere.
Rose: There probably were natives. And they probably swam away screaming when they saw Lila's face.
Lila: La, la, la, la... (Stops singing and looks confused) Wait, I don't get it. Why would they do that?
Rose: You know what? Maybe they didn't even wait to see your face. Once they heard how stupid you are, they probably didn't want to wait and see how stupid you look. (Rose grins smugly, but Lila, not understanding the joke, shrugs and starts singing again)
Curt: Hey, Aiden, can you read the note you found again? I want to make sure I understand everything.
Henry: Oh, come on! Read it again? I wish I had stayed home this break. I could be with my parents at their hotel in the Hamptons right now!
Aiden:(Takes out two old, yellowing pages.) "Dear Lucky, I don't know who you are, but if you found this letter, then you're sure as hell lucky! My name is James McClean, and I have hidden my fortune somewhere on an island far out in the Atlantic. I knew my days were over, and I wanted to make sure this prize would be safe, when I realized that I should grant this gift to whoever is smart enough to follow the clues. I have instructions on the bottom of this page to the island where the buried treasure is, and a map is attached. Good luck, Lucky. -James"
Curt: Hmmm. It doesn't say much, just how to find the treasure. Maybe if we just followed the instructions...
Henry: We have been following the instructions! And it's leading us nowhere!
Rose: Yeah, well maybe we shouldn't let Lila be the one reading the map.
Lila: I know how to read a map, Rose! I know compasses and scales and langitude and lontitude.
Rose: It's LONGITUDE and LATITUDE you bird brain! Have you been leading us the wrong way for TWO DAYS?
Lila: Well, I...
Aiden: Stupid!
Lila: Well no one corrected me so I thought I was right! If you ask me, someone should've been smart to realize I have only a B- in Science.
Rose:(Facepalms) You learn latitude and longitude in History.
Lila: Whatever! Here, smarty pants, you read the map!
Rose:(Studies map for a minute) I can't tell what this says. Curt, you're the genius, what does this say? Where do we have to go?
Curt: (Studies map for a minute) Lila, I'm going to KILL you!
Lila: What?
Curt: You've been leading us in the opposite direction this whole time! It took us two days to get here, now it'll take us two days to get back to the starting point and then at least two more days to find the treasure!
Aiden: Oh my Gosh! You blond!
Lila: See, I don't get why you always call me a blond. I obviously have black hair!
Aiden: Just walk! Curt, lead us in the right direction.
SCENE TWO: Four days later on another part of the island
Curt: We made it! This is the location on the map that has an 'X' to mark the treasure! And look! A waterfall! I knew there was fresh water around here!
Henry: Okay, you guys start digging, I'll supervise!
Aiden: No, wait. There's something over here! It's a treasure chest!
Curt: Why would Mr. McClean take the trouble to hide the treasure on an abandoned island if he wasn't going to bother burying it?
(Suddenly, a war cry is heard. A Jungle Man appears from behind some trees and cries again.)
Jungle Man: Mer! Shlem! Ogley BOOGA!
Henry: Oh no! What's he saying! Pleas don't eat me, I'm too beautiful to die!
Rose:(Shoves Lila forward) Here, take her! She doesn't have any brains to eat but she 'aint no use to us either!
Lila: NO! Take Curt! He's got brains AND lots of meat on him! Mmmm, yummy, juicy fat boy!
Curt: Stop, wait! Can anybody understand him?
Jungle Man: Izza mooma!
Lila: Um, Lalala?
Jungle Man: Lalala? Pindut broo by boo?
Rose: Wow, I didn't know Stupid was a national language now.
Rose: Oh, Lila! You're so stupid you can't even speak Stupid! (All start backing away as Jungle Man growls and advances toward them slowly)
Aiden: WAIT! We just want to check the treasure chest, then we'll leave! (Gestures wildly to the treasure chest)
Jungle Man:(Stops advancing. Turns to chest) Blandit kees?
Aiden: YES! Blandit kees.
Jungle Man:(Steps aside to let them pass to chest)
Henry: He's just gonna let us pass?
Jungle Man:(In thick accent) Yes, I am.
Rose: Whoah! He knows Stupid and English too! Hey, Lila, he's smarter than you!No surprise there...
Aiden: You speak English!
Jungle Man: Yes, I am.
Curt: Not a very advanced vocabulary.
Aiden:(Enunciating words clearly)WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON THIS ISLAND?
Jungle Man: Guard chest.
Aiden: WHY?
Jungle Man: For my friend. He give me food and English dictionary. Tell me to guard chest until person show me map to find chest. You person?
Aiden: Yes, I am the person.
Jungle Man: Lucky?
Aiden: Yes! Lucky! Look, this is the map you're talking about, right? (Shows the treasure map)
Jungle Man: You go to chest, I leave you now. Must read dictionary.
Rose: It's okay. Even if you don't read it, you still have a bigger vocabulary than Dumbo here. (Gestures to Lila. Both Lila and Jungle Man look confused. Jungle Man suddenly disappears behind trees) Wow, that was weird.
Henry: Yeah, but can we open the chest already!
(Aiden opens treasure chest. Inside there is lots of jewels and gold)
Aiden: We're RICH!
Rose: How are we gonna split all this up?
Aiden: Well, I led this expedition, I should get the most stuff. I also found the map, so extra money there too.
Rose: WHAT? We have been on this island for four days without any normal food and sleeping arrangements because you decided the STUPID IDIOT of the group should lead the way!
Curt: I found the actual location of the treasure!
Henry: I like being rich! And jewels and gold!
(All start arguing except Lila who sneaks the chest away with her. No one notices she is gone until the distant sound of a boat engine is heard.)
Henry: Is that my boat?
Aiden: Where's Lila?
(They all run to shore where they see Lila on boat with treasure chest riding away)
Curt: How immature!
Aiden: That fraud!
Henry: The gold!
Rose: Wow! She wasn't as stupid as I thought she was.
Aiden: Now what?
Curt: We can make a boat out of the trees.
Aiden: I'll go see if I can find the Jungle Man.
Rose:(Still staring off into the sea)
Aiden: What, Rose? Disappointed?
Rose: I understand how someone would take off with the treasure, but I still can't believe the person smart enough to actually take the treasure was the STUPIDEST person known to mankind!
'X' Marks the Spot!
A funny script by Naira DemirchianSCENE ONE:The setting is a jungle- like island with lots of trees and sand. Aiden enters wearing traveling clothes. He is followed by Curt, Henry, Lila, and Rose. Aiden is a leader, Curt is a nerdy chubby guy, Henry is the rich, snobby one, Liladoesn't have a lot of brains, and Rose is sensible and humble, and isn't a big fan of Lila's. They are all seniors in high school, on spring break.
(Aiden and Henry enter.)
Aiden: C'mon, we can't give up now.
Henry: Dude , I am tired, and we haven't had a suitable meal since two days ago. I thought when you found that treasure map in your attic, we might actually find some treasure! I stole my Father's boat, for Pete's sake!
Aiden: It's not stealing if we're going to give it back. Besides, he's vacationing in the Hamptons! He doesn't even know the boat is gone. We can leave just as soon as we find that treasure. I know it's here somewhere!
(Curt, Rose and Lila enter.)
Curt: You know,I would've thought we would've met some native people here. The land seems fertile enough to grow food, and if it's fertile, that means there is a source of fresh water somewhere.
Rose: There probably were natives. And they probably swam away screaming when they saw Lila's face.
Lila: La, la, la, la... (Stops singing and looks confused) Wait, I don't get it. Why would they do that?
Rose: You know what? Maybe they didn't even wait to see your face. Once they heard how stupid you are, they probably didn't want to wait and see how stupid you look. (Rose grins smugly, but Lila, not understanding the joke, shrugs and starts singing again)
Curt: Hey, Aiden, can you read the note you found again? I want to make sure I understand everything.
Henry: Oh, come on! Read it again? I wish I had stayed home this break. I could be with my parents at their hotel in the Hamptons right now!
Aiden:(Takes out two old, yellowing pages.) "Dear Lucky, I don't know who you are, but if you found this letter, then you're sure as hell lucky! My name is James McClean, and I have hidden my fortune somewhere on an island far out in the Atlantic. I knew my days were over, and I wanted to make sure this prize would be safe, when I realized that I should grant this gift to whoever is smart enough to follow the clues. I have instructions on the bottom of this page to the island where the buried treasure is, and a map is attached. Good luck, Lucky. -James"
Curt: Hmmm. It doesn't say much, just how to find the treasure. Maybe if we just followed the instructions...
Henry: We have been following the instructions! And it's leading us nowhere!
Rose: Yeah, well maybe we shouldn't let Lila be the one reading the map.
Lila: I know how to read a map, Rose! I know compasses and scales and langitude and lontitude.
Rose: It's LONGITUDE and LATITUDE you bird brain! Have you been leading us the wrong way for TWO DAYS?
Lila: Well, I...
Aiden: Stupid!
Lila: Well no one corrected me so I thought I was right! If you ask me, someone should've been smart to realize I have only a B- in Science.
Rose:(Facepalms) You learn latitude and longitude in History.
Lila: Whatever! Here, smarty pants, you read the map!
Rose: (Studies map for a minute) I can't tell what this says. Curt, you're the genius, what does this say? Where do we have to go?
Curt: (Studies map for a minute) Lila, I'm going to KILL you!
Lila: What?
Curt: You've been leading us in the opposite direction this whole time! It took us two days to get here, now it'll take us two days to get back to the starting point and then at least two more days to find the treasure!
Aiden: Oh my Gosh! You blond!
Lila: See, I don't get why you always call me a blond. I obviously have black hair!
Aiden: Just walk! Curt, lead us in the right direction.
SCENE TWO: Four days later on another part of the island
Curt: We made it! This is the location on the map that has an 'X' to mark the treasure! And look! A waterfall! I knew there was fresh water around here!
Henry: Okay, you guys start digging, I'll supervise!
Aiden: No, wait. There's something over here! It's a treasure chest!
Curt: Why would Mr. McClean take the trouble to hide the treasure on an abandoned island if he wasn't going to bother burying it?
(Suddenly, a war cry is heard. A Jungle Man appears from behind some trees and cries again.)
Jungle Man: Mer! Shlem! Ogley BOOGA!
Henry: Oh no! What's he saying! Pleas don't eat me, I'm too beautiful to die!
Rose: (Shoves Lila forward) Here, take her! She doesn't have any brains to eat but she 'aint no use to us either!
Lila: NO! Take Curt! He's got brains AND lots of meat on him! Mmmm, yummy, juicy fat boy!
Curt: Stop, wait! Can anybody understand him?
Jungle Man: Izza mooma!
Lila: Um, Lalala?
Jungle Man: Lalala? Pindut broo by boo?
Rose: Wow, I didn't know Stupid was a national language now.
Lila: LALALALALA!
Jungle Man: LALALALA! OGLEY BOOGA! IZZA MOOMA! (Growls angrily)
Rose: Oh, Lila! You're so stupid you can't even speak Stupid! (All start backing away as Jungle Man growls and advances toward them slowly)
Aiden: WAIT! We just want to check the treasure chest, then we'll leave! (Gestures wildly to the treasure chest)
Jungle Man: (Stops advancing. Turns to chest) Blandit kees?
Aiden: YES! Blandit kees.
Jungle Man: (Steps aside to let them pass to chest)
Henry: He's just gonna let us pass?
Jungle Man: (In thick accent) Yes, I am.
Rose: Whoah! He knows Stupid and English too! Hey, Lila, he's smarter than you!No surprise there...
Aiden: You speak English!
Jungle Man: Yes, I am.
Curt: Not a very advanced vocabulary.
Aiden: (Enunciating words clearly)WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON THIS ISLAND?
Jungle Man: Guard chest.
Aiden: WHY?
Jungle Man: For my friend. He give me food and English dictionary. Tell me to guard chest until person show me map to find chest. You person?
Aiden: Yes, I am the person.
Jungle Man: Lucky?
Aiden: Yes! Lucky! Look, this is the map you're talking about, right? (Shows the treasure map)
Jungle Man: You go to chest, I leave you now. Must read dictionary.
Rose: It's okay. Even if you don't read it, you still have a bigger vocabulary than Dumbo here. (Gestures to Lila. Both Lila and Jungle Man look confused. Jungle Man suddenly disappears behind trees) Wow, that was weird.
Henry: Yeah, but can we open the chest already!
(Aiden opens treasure chest. Inside there is lots of jewels and gold)
Aiden: We're RICH!
Rose: How are we gonna split all this up?
Aiden: Well, I led this expedition, I should get the most stuff. I also found the map, so extra money there too.
Rose: WHAT? We have been on this island for four days without any normal food and sleeping arrangements because you decided the STUPID IDIOT of the group should lead the way!
Curt: I found the actual location of the treasure!
Henry: I like being rich! And jewels and gold!
(All start arguing except Lila who sneaks the chest away with her. No one notices she is gone until the distant sound of a boat engine is heard.)
Henry: Is that my boat?
Aiden: Where's Lila?
(They all run to shore where they see Lila on boat with treasure chest riding away)
Curt: How immature!
Aiden: That fraud!
Henry: The gold!
Rose: Wow! She wasn't as stupid as I thought she was.
Aiden: Now what?
Curt: We can make a boat out of the trees.
Aiden: I'll go see if I can find the Jungle Man.
Rose: (Still staring off into the sea)
Aiden: What, Rose? Disappointed?
Rose: I understand how someone would take off with the treasure, but I still can't believe the person smart enough to actually take the treasure was the STUPIDEST person known to mankind!
THE END